…. nor do I care to be. I am coming to the understand that I am putting myself off as a person who has all their sh*t together. This is totally not true, I wish that people would stop thinking about me in that way. There are sooo many things that are wrong with my mentality, that it is not even funny. Here are some things that I wish people would understand about me:
- I struggle with depression, like it can get bad and IT IS worse in the winter time.
- I have an addiction, not going to say what it is on here, but if you know me. Then you know what it is.
- I struggle with my body image and how to dress myself. Growing up, fashion wasn’t a huge emphasis for me because I know I needed to thrive in my education.
- I swear from time to time, depending on my mood.
- I am passive-aggressive, trust me, it’s bad! I didn’t know how bad until I did a brain map (which is a different post).
BUT here are some things that I do know and believe, because of WHO lives inside of me, so let me break that down for you (yes, I am aware that statement is passive-aggressive(ish)). The one who is perfect is Jesus Christ. Last time I checked, that isn’t who I am, but I do know He lives inside of me. I know He (the Holy Spirit) is the one who comes to comfort me when my pillow is tear stained. I know that Abba (The Father or Daddy in Hebrew) guides my every step that I take because I simply ask Him for directions. I know that Jesus has paid for my sins of yesterday, today, and tomorrow. So, when you see me, what is that you really see? I can’t answer that for you, but please know, I am not perfect on my own. I am perfectly broken and in need of a Savior and His mercy and grace. Here is somethings that helped me feel loved, because trust me, I feel unloved at the moment. Especially since I can’t where to plug in at.
- When it comes to my depression, nothing like beautiful flowers and or a picture of a sunrise brighten’s my day aka LITERALLY SEND ME A PICTURE (please) or send me flowers (which would be nice, single females need to be sent flowers by someone, sometimes).
- When it comes to my addiction, just send me a prayer. I do my best to reach out to people, but then there are times when I don’t want to be a burden to people. By the way, I honestly do feel like I am a burden at times (you learned something new about me.)
- Just simply remind me how beautiful I am and that I am Daughter of a True King (thank you Angie for reminding me this past week).
- I know swearing makes people twitch a little bit, please let me know that it bothers you, I will do my best to accommodate for you. It is something that can easily be changed, doesn’t mean you have to stop being friends with me due to that.
- My passive-aggressive nature is going to be worked on through Neurofeedback, it isn’t going to be an easy change but I am grateful that it will be changing. I wish I had control over it but I do not. Please forgive me, if I do come off that way to you.
With all that said, if I have hurt you in anyway, please forgive me. That truly is never my intention. Sometimes, I don’t realize what I say in the moment or after. Don’t be afraid to have an open-dialogue with me, I am not going to bite you or anything. Please understand, I guard myself because I have been let down so many times and it just sucks to be let down. So, if you want to know who I am, ask me out for coffee. I am not as bad as you assume I am. I care deeply about people, even to the point when it can affect me (different blog). So, if you want to encourage me (if God lays it on your heart to do so) then write me a letter or send me verses, like handwritten style (I do like to keep the mail man (or woman) having a job). So, that is who I am, a broken vessel who is used by God.